Starships were meant to fly, so don't let things get you down and stop you from doing what you have set out to achieve.
Have changed the playlist, though there are much less songs now, it's still cool cos I love the songs and I hope you guys like them too. AND REALLY. It's getting a bit over-exaggerated nowadays. 88 pageviews with 15 view count? WHO SPAMMING. ADMIT. HAHAHA. Oh well.
Spent the whole of 1st May alone at home today, and am proud I achieved it. Random fact. I have been stuck at this sentence for the whole of an hour because I'm talking to my YK about stuff. Now I'm back after an hour's game. I know I sound so distracted so I'm sorry for that.
Nigel and Ryan phoned me to talk over the phone just now, and they beat some, at least a little sense into me. Yes I want you back. Yes I'm willing to wait. But here's the deal, I'm not ready to trust the duration between it yet. I'm not ready to face somebody again after she has maybe gone out with other guys, laid with other guys or got held by other guys in between the duration. I'm sorry, because we're not together, so I don't have that trust for you between this period like I did in the past anymore and it's only normal. Prove it. Prove you want to be friends who're just waiting for each other to be ready again and start us on a new journey, and not that you wanna be fooling around with other guys within the period, when you know that I can do so much better than any one of the guys out there but you're just bored of me. Give me morning calls, show that you care, do little things, whatever to get me to know that you're serious in getting back together in the future.
It's not all talk when it comes to a relationship. Show me your sincerity in meaning what you say. I'm not going to give you my best if you think you're going to sway my heart just by those few words, when your heart never did sway when I told you a lot more and offered you all of myself. You'll just get my worst instead. I'm sorry I've to be so cruel, to myself and you, if you're even serious in texting me those things, but I'm left with no choice. I will never allow myself to be like that again. Never. I have been abandoned. I have been ignored. I have been disowed. I have begged like a beggar for you to stay, did everything I could for us. And there is not a single regret left in my soul. So don't come back thinking just because I'd always want you back, you can mindfuck me all over again. I'm sorry, I'm not going to have that kind of faith I had in you in anybody else I meet in the future ever again. Because I will never allow myself to be so low-down, to throw away my pride and ego, give up my friends and do all the stupid things again for another one who might let me down again. As I've told you, you've made me lose all the trust. If you sincerely and really want us back in the future, you better start to be stocking up my trust in you from now on and prove that you mean what you say.
What I have, is patience. I have patience to wait for somebody to be ready. I have patience to wait for the right chance to come. I have so much patience and determination to want my next relationship to be my last that I'll ever enter into, that I am not going to give in to any temptations or whatsoever, and that I am strictly going to base it on whatever the other party proves to me. You made me this way, so if you want to hate, hate yourself. Because I hate myself too, for allowing my heart to be so naked to one person and end up with disappointments. Show me what you mean, and I'll show you what you actually get. Whoever that is waiting for me or time to heal your wounds before you want to be with me, this is for you.
Come to think of it, I haven't actually entered into a relationship with 100% of my effort to make it work. And I solely intend to leave the best of me for the person who has been there when I was at my worst.
You chewed me up and spit me out like I was some deadly poison. I'm sorry, but it's going to take all of you and your determination and your heart in swallowing up your own vomit. Clear up the trash that you left behind for me.
On a lighter note, I'm heading to bed because I can't be arsed with thinking anymore. Enough with mind games for the day. People, I'm sorry today's post turned out to be a rant post, because stuff happened on the way. Goodnight and love you guys.
