Listening to Shinee - Replay.

I know most people don't give a fuck. I'm slowly trying to stop giving a fuck as well. Who's there for you, who's not there for you. Who you have been there for, yet not here for you or whatever. I'm not going to care so much anymore. This will be the last and farewell post to whatever that I want to say, and I don't know if it'll bring anybody back, and I don't expect anything. I'm just going to say it, the wrong decisions that I made, so I can finally move onto the next part of my life journey without feeling like I've got things that I kept to myself. You guys might be reading or might not be, it's really just luck.

Carol - You're what I felt the most out of this whole thing. I should never have abandoned us for her. Be it if I knew that I was going to breakup with her or not, I should have kept to our friendship, for it was one that I really treasured. I wanted to be there for you when things happened between you and R, that night when you were crying outside Zirca, the way you were there for me, for things between me and V. I'm really sorry for how things got to this stage. I'm still eating Sogurt to this very day, as a tribute to our friendship. Yes it's not necessary, but it makes me happy. Somehow it just feels like you're still here with me. I really felt like talking to you today, but somehow I just didn't wanna be a nuisance to you.

Elainee - We really REALLY drifted apart cos of this. I know how much of a burden I was when it was still the Sarah-era. I miss having a da jie da around, yet drifted away from you because you've got your school and stuff, I somehow feel not as important compared to Xander and Co. I miss talking to you, as well as us clubbing and the crazy moments we had.

Evonne - I appreciate you being there for me everytime I need somebody, but I know that we've drifted a lot as well. You're the best god-sister I could ever get, like really the best. Being there for me and actually getting a hug from you because I was breaking down from the Sarah incident. I really cherish you. And I love how understanding you are towards things.

Shaun,Jovi,Park,Kaiwei,Jon,Henry,Jovin, and my secondary school clique - You guys were great. Be it cos of girls, we'd always get through them together. I don't know if it's poly life, or my past relationships that caused us to separate so far apart. I know whatever that happened, it must be my fault, yet we can't go back anymore. I'm sorry, and I love you guys.

Ryan - You were always like a random rare gem to me, being there sometimes yet sometimes not really. But I know I was like that to you too. Somehow things nowadays pulled us closer apart, and I really like that. And I am going to work for things to be like this and stay this way. I love you.

Yuan Kiang - I know things aren't the same anymore for us, after M and V, but I still know we've got something there, that haven't died. So I'm going to try to keep it alive, though I'm not left with much time till I hit NS, but hopefully things go well.

Hui Min - I really don't know how to go about us, but somehow I want us to be good friends or stuff like that. I like how both of us like the ribena pastilles(yes I know a lot of people like them too LOL), how we see things and stuff. Hopefully things are smooth.

Geok Shan - Somehow you were one of my really close girl friends that have been super close with me. I mean, coming all the way to my house just to put aloe vera gel for me and then going all the way to suntec to get my laptop? I appreciate all that you've done for me, really. Meeting me in the morning before exams for breakfast and I'll send you to work after that. I know you were one of the friends I pushed away because of my ex's insecurities, and I'm really sorry for that. I know we've drifted apart a lot, but hopefully we'll become still as close as ever.

Vanessa - Cheers, to your new guy and your wise decision. I am officially leaving your life and am going to stop interfering in it. What can I say? Ex's burden, insecurities, family issues, freedom issues, financial issues, health disturbances, friends. I've tried giving it all up, disconcerned myself about everything that was beneficial to me, gave up all my friends, pushed them away to try and secure you, did everything I could that I thought you'd be happy and gave it my best shot. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. I suppose it was time for you to move on. I shouldn't have came into your life in the first place, for you were happier than after you got with me. I'm sorry for being so useless and not being able to make us work, even begging you to stay didn't work, while offering everything I could give.

Juel - I'm sorry, for all the emotions I've given you, and that I really need time for everything. You might be understanding now, but you'll see, and that there'll be big changes in your life in the next two years. Thank you, for being ever so understanding.

To top it up, my revelations from this whole past 1 year.
-I will never forsake my friends for another relationship ever again. Ever.
-Relationships don't work on pure giving in and selflessness. It must be moderated against the other party's level of the same factors.
-Different people have different perspectives, so you might not accept the way that they think or look at things, but respect it.
-It's difficult to ever get back to the same places or people. After this past 1 year, I realized that it's not just difficult. It's near impossible, no matter how hard you try.
-A super alpha male will never work with an alpha male, with the former being the women and the latter being the guy, one with extraordinary ego of a lady and another with a normal ego of a man. Pride sometimes, build the hardest and most unbreakable walls one can never imagine.
-Timing is everything.
-Whatever that happened, I myself have never changed. Yes I might have adapted to whatever situation that I was in, but use your heart, get to me, and I promise you, I will never let you down, and that you'll get what you have came to me for.
-I'm sorry for everything. Because every single crossroad that I was given a chance to make the right decision, I just had to make the wrong one and dissipate everything that I had. But no matter how hard it is to build things up for myself again, I will, because I need to stand up strong and firm, regardless of how all of you see me as.
-I will never use my heart to make decisions again, and rely solely on my mind.

That's about all. I'll end it off with Shinee - Replay 's lyrics, dedicated to all my lost friends, and lost loved ones.

Just when I thought I could go
My heart is lost and you're pulling me back again
Wishing on a falling star wish I could be where you are
Somehow you came and changed my everything

When you're not around I just feel a little down
This is kinda silly right...it's not okay to me
And I think I'm gonna hate that boy
If you turn your back on me
I don't wanna let this go...but I'm wondering

How do I be careful not to show you what I dream of
Kinda crazy but replay replay replay

When we're together every moment that I treasure
Like a movie that replay replay replay

You know you're my MVP no one else has got what I need
When it's just us two,
I get shy but then you keep it so cool
The way you're always watching out for me
And although I wanna believe
Tell me I'm not just imagining

When you're not around I just feel a little down
This is kinda silly right...it's not okay to me
And I think I'm gonna hate that boy
If you turn your back on me
I don't wanna let this go...but I'm wondering

I don't wanna hear it no more
Cause I know it's gonna replay replay replay
Keep trying not to fake it how am I supposed to say it
You're the song that I replay replay replay