First of all, Happy Fifth Month to Vanessa Lee HM.

For all the storms we've been through, for the rain we've been under together, for the tears we shed together and for everything we did and are going to do together.

Even right up to the first day of the fifth month, not one day passed easily, both of us know that.

Living in fear and soaked in disputes of our differences, it was a struggle for both of us all in all.

Humans are controlled by their minds, and thoughts are what that manipulate them, as well as likes and dislikes. No matter how much advise or explanation is given, as long as the thought is a full-formed one in the mind, no amount of explanation will change that thought.

Don't conform yourself to anything that has been happening for the past few years, times or occasions. Just because it's been going on for a long time, doesn't mean that it is supposed to be that way.

When one person is different, it doesn't necessarily mean that he/she changed. It's just that things are not like that anymore, cos they might actually not supposed to be like that in the first place. Comparing it with betting, winning a few times 4D or ToTo doesn't necessarily signify that one'll win the bet no matter the amount of times spent on betting. It just means you've won once of the bet, that's that.

I'm thankful for the past five months, still. I couldn't have asked for more. You've given me inspirations, the want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I've also been granted maturity from this relationship. Lots of it.

I've not changed, I'm still the same me who remembers his promises and things about you.

But the relationship has got to start to mature, so therefore, I'm sorry if my actions show otherwise, but I really haven't changed. We're not secondary school kids anymore, no more mind games. Speak our minds, and stop thinking that it's noble to hold it all in. It's not about quarrels, fights and breakups and patchups anymore, it's about coffee talks and exchanging hearts.

I still care a lot about other people having physical contact with you, your likes and dislikes, worrying about your safety and afraid of losing you, especially needing you by my side every day every second. I'm sorry for not being intent to keep this relationship so childly and exciting, and having you to pick up mature responsibilities along with me.

I love you loads, and I hope we'd never part. What I'm afraid of, is that it's not within my control. It depends on a lot of factors, and all that's going to possibly pull us back, is the most basic of our relationship, our love.

I'm sorry for being a perfectionist. For trying to make our relationship become what I had been expecting from a relationship that I will settle down for. It's been tough on you.

Back to my daily life. I've just done up a report for attachment right before the deadline, and heaved a sigh of relief.

Deferment of medical checkup and enlistment for NS is up soon, and it brought me back to reality. I still remember how much I hate being shaved clean. LOL.

Work is alright, still enjoying being as busy as ever. Spending more time at work rather than with friends probably works more for me. Somehow I don't really feel that close to all my friends, not that we're not on good terms, but I just get the feeling that they're more of distracted by other friends, than actually me making feel like really the best of friends with them.

Can't help but feel solitary at times. I wish things were like in secondary school, when nothing else mattered more to us like friendship and love. I prefer bonding sessions like LAN or chalets than clubbing and everything else now, ever since drifting apart seems to take place so frequent.

Financial wise I'm doing alright, with the ability to purchase a $300 Hasidon speaker with quite the bass, I must say. People who like to be blasted with nice bass, I must admit this has much kick in it.

That's all. I've still got a lot of work to do.

I don't want the time to come, when the only chance of moving on, is to try to take it back before it all went wrong.

P.S If you don't have any other thing nice to wear to club except your goddamn jackets and a simple t-shirt, don't.

The DJ got us fallin' in love again.